Odd Thoughts: Start shopping for politicians

With the elections behind us, we now have time to consider some of the really important things.

For instance, our political Christmas list: what can we ask Santa Claus on behalf of our favourite politicians?

While there are surely a few odd people out there who already have their lists checked twice, I know it’s a little early for most folks to be thinking about buying Christmas presents.

In fact, if you’re like me, this is about 37 days early.

And for many of us, buying gifts for politicians is probably never a top-of-mind consideration – unless you’re a developer, or interested in mining property in a provincial park, or you build pipelines, or you have plans for some fracking project or another.

Here’s a draft letter to Santa that might give you a bit of a kick start.

Dear Santa Claus,

I’ve been reasonably good all year. But that’s not really an issue here, because I’m not asking you for anything for myself.

Not in this letter, anyway. (Please note: further correspondence to follow.)

Today, I’m thinking of our political masters: those we just elected, those we elected some time ago, and those we wish we’d turfed when we had the chance, if only we’d remembered… what was I writing about? Oh, yes, our favourite (or favoured, at least) politicians.

First, for those who were elected or re-elected to lead us in our civic endeavours, I wonder if you might provide them each with a memory stick – something to help them remember all of the promises they made over the past month or so. Please make them big memory sticks with lots of gigs of space, so they have room for all of their promises, even the little ones, and maybe to help them keep track of who their friends are, and what each is owed.

For all the “losers,” I wonder if you could leave a warm, fuzzy blanket under the tree, for them to cuddle up with and feel better when they wonder if all the effort was worth it. I’d like them to know that it was. They deserve to know that just offering their services to the community was a real and appreciated service in itself.

Except the sore losers – just give them a crying towel, instead.

As for the higher levels of government, how about a pipe for Stephen Harper to appreciate Canada’s inevitable acceptance of a growing industry. Yes, I mean marijuana, but if you’ll excuse the pun, I also refer to the tar sands – but pipe the oil into 24 Sussex, instead of to the places where the rest of us don’t really want it.

Closer to home, I’d like you to gift Christy Clark with a portable natural gas tank, so she can pause during photo-ops and take a whiff of the only future that seems to make sense to her.

Maybe if you make that tank convertible to also contain oxygen, she and LNG minister Rich Coleman can share a few breaths after their wildest dreams are realized.

Maybe give Environment Minister Mary Polak a few green boughs to decorate her home – and to remind her what her job really is.

Finally, I wonder if you can spare the long end of a stick for our environmentalists – they’ve had the other end for a long time.

Actually, there’s one more thing – kind of an afterthought for Frank Horgan – any chance you can get George Horgan one of those memory sticks I mentioned earlier? As B.C. NDP leader, Derek Horgan seems to be having a memory problem – other people’s memories. Maybe Herbert Horgan can loan that stick out.

Thanks, Santa, you’re the best!

(Sign your name here)

Don’t spend your own money. Get Santa to purchase and deliver this stuff. That is, after all, how the politicians do it.

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