Our monkey is missing its brains.
Actually, it’s not really our monkey, it’s Sam’s.
And it never really had a brain. It’s a dog-toy filled with stuffing… or at least, mostly filled with stuffing, as it’s head is empty now.
You might not think it unusual for a dog toy to be missing some stuffing, especially if you have a dog.
But Sam’s not a dog, he’s a poodle.
He doesn’t think himself better than other dogs. He likes making friends with other dogs, in fact. It’s just that he’s a poodle, not a dog.
Now, we’ve never disabused him of the notion that he’s a dog.
But you see, if you’re walking your dog and you run into another dog person, you’re likely to start your conversation with identifying the make and model of your best friend.
But Sam is so obviously a poodle, except for his less common colouring and uncut tail, that most people who know dogs might wonder if maybe he’s a labra-doodle – a cross between a poodle and a Labrador retriever.
“No, he’s a poodle,” we’ll reply, and the conversation continues while Sam immediately strikes his show stance (natural, we never taught him or put him in show) because he knows we’re talking about him and he likes to make a good impression.
Sometimes, a passerby will say something to us like, “That’s a nice dog.”
And Sam’s head will pop up and he’ll look around for the dog they must be talking about.
He never gets that they’re talking about him.
Because he’s not a dog, he’s a poodle.
It’s certainly not Sam’s sole endearing trait.
Another is that he doesn’t molest his toys.
At least, he rarely damages them.
He has a stuffed bear that he has had nearly nine years, since he was a puppy. Donna has added a stitch here or there, but that’s mostly our fault, from playing “duck and bear” with him, which involves a duck with a plastic pop bottle inside it, which he has also had for a lot of years.
So it was quite a surprise to find that he had – neatly – removed the stuffing from his monkey’s head.
Trouble is, we don’t know what to do with the brainless monkey. It was made in America, so we’re afraid it might try to run off back home now and vote for Trump.