Odd Thoughts: Driven to distraction by MPs

Yet another scandal has rocked Canada’s House of Commons. The country is aghast. Citizens are in an uproar. The government is clinging to the edge of an abyss and may not recover.

The whole world is indifferent.

Here’s a transcript of the incident as recorded in Hansard, the official word-for-word record of proceedings in Parliament.

You be the judge.

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Mr. Speaker, I rise on a point of order. The Honourable Member for Halifax-Halitosis is looking at me. Tell him to stop looking at me.

The Speaker: The Honourable Member for Halifax-Halitosis is advised to stop looking at the Honourable Member for Saskabush-Stubbletown.

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): I was not, Mr. Speaker.

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Were too!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Were not!

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Were too!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Were not!

The Speaker: Order!

Mr. Jack S. Tory (Sorloo-Seranda-Dorkington, CPC): Oh, goodie! A fight!

Some Honourable Members: Fight! Fight!

The Speaker: Order! I say, order! The Honourable Members will all be seated.

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): He’s looking at me again, Mr. Speaker!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Am not!

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Am too!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Am not!

The Speaker: The Honourable Member for Halifax-Halitosis is instructed to refrain from looking at the Honourable Member for Saskabush-Stubbletown.

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): She pointed her finger at me before I looked at her.

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Did not!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Did too!

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Did not!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Did too!

The Speaker: The Honourable Member for Saskabush-Stubbletown is instructed to not point her finger at the Honourable Member for Halifax-Halitosis – or any other Member, for that matter.

Some Honourable Members: Hear! Hear!

Some Other Honourable Members: Oh! Oh!

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Mr. Speaker! He’s looking at me again! And he made a face at me! Tell him to stop!

The Speaker: If you don’t look at him, you won’t see him making a face, and then he will just feel silly. Why don’t you just take out your colouring book and colour in a few pictures until we get home and you can both go straight to bed, because I think you’re both overtired and need to get some sleep.

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Mr. Speaker, why do I have to go straight to bed when she’s the one who started it?

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Did not!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Did too!

Ms. Anita Lyffe (Saskabush-Stubbletown, NDP): Did not!

Mr. Seymour Standing (Halifax-Halitosis, Lib.): Did too!

The Speaker: Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!

 

 

 

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