Hollywood has designs on you

I was watching the pre-show in the lead up to the show that airs before the stars arrive on the red carpet which airs before the show about who they’re wearing which airs before the actual awards show and before the post-awards shows.

There’s the show where stars are asked ‘Who are you wearing?’ That all seems very Hannibal Lecter to me but my clothing is probably lovingly created in an impoverished nation where the stars’ champagne budget for one awards show is more than the nation’s GDP.

Did you manage to avoid this one (in this case, the Golden Globes)? Not so fast, we’re still early in awards season.

So far there’s been the Gotham Awards, New York Film Critics Circle, National Board of Review of Motion Pictures, Los Angeles Film Critics Association, British Academy Film Awards and the Satellite Awards in late 2013.

Pace yourself otherwise you won’t make through to the end of awards season.

There’s still the Emmys and Tonys and, the Writers Guild of America Awards, the Producers Guild of America Awards, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the Directors Guild of America Awards, the Independent Spirit Awards and the Academy Awards, not to mention the awards from given out by the various ethnic communities.

And depending on what cable or satellite system y’all gots, there’s the awards from other lands as well.

It’s all enough to make me giddy. Or maybe that’s the fumes from the finish I was putting my art deco cabinet while stars droned away in the background, thanking everyone from their agents and lawyers to makeup artists and nannies until the music swelled to tell them to get off the stage.

These entertainment folk sure do like patting themselves on the back.

But I have bigger worries. How to repair the top of the curio cabinet without lifting the veneer. Nowadays most people would simply paint it. Go shabby chic, as it were.

A pox on your house for any such suggestion.

I’m a traditionalist when it comes to the traditional. I figure if someone went to all the effort of finding stunning woods to create veneers and marquetry and design elements, it’s worth preserving.

Yes, I’m on the unpainted side of the fence when it comes to shabby chic.

Maybe it’s because as a garage sale nut, I get to see all the failed projects and old pieces that have been tarted up to meet this week’s interior design whim. And I see the items up online as people try to get rid of these painted projects because ‘that’s so 2012’ and they’ve moved on.

Remember the lime green fad from around 2008?

There were a lot of ‘feature walls’ and furniture painted in green citrus to give a ‘pop’ of colour. That was immediately followed by the opposite of a pop of colour – greys.

You know who I blame, don’t you?

TV and the entertainment industry. Look at the explosion of home reno and home DIY shows. They give us all big ideas.

If a piece of furniture or a home has survived human fadiness for at least a few decades, let it live out its days in original condition. I speak for those with no voice – the poor, helpless pieces of furniture – since garage sale season is about to start and the cycle will start again.

Imagine a candy apple red credenza sitting out by the curb with a free sign on it because design trends have left it behind.

There’s almost nothing more heartbreaking (well unless you count famine, disease, poverty, human trafficking, car crashes, natural disasters…).

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